Dear The Googly,
The issue of Global warming is of great concern to me. As my outdoor tropical plantscape withers of frostbite, the heating bills for my palatial mansion escalate, and my recently acquired collection of hand-embroidered Nepalese hot-pants remains unworn, who (or what), may I blame this on?
~SemiPrecious Jones
Dear Semi,
You are not alone, this winter many of us have suffered the sub-zero horrors of Global Warming. The cause of this inconvenience is not (as some believe) caused by human industrial off-gassing, but is (as evidenced in the chart below) the result of a precipitous drop in the population of pirates. (For more timely research on this and other vital topics, pasta philosophy and numerous objets d'art, visit the Venganza site and its noodly appendage.
Armed with this new knowledge, The Googly hopes you will stop writing your congress people; return to buying large recreational vehicles; and search out any and all available pirates in your neighborhood and procreate with them.
Yours truly, The Googly
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